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chia seeds, chocolate, crock pot chicken, eat natural, frozen yogurt, greek yogurt, hot chocolate, Jay Robb, Joyce Meyer, Kashi, Kashi GoLean, Mighty Maple, oatmeal, PB & Co., publix, purple potatoes, Quaker, rice cooker, roasted chicken, smoothie, sports injury, stilleto award, stress fracture, sweet potato, tuna
Good evening! How was your day?
First and foremost, I’m so glad that you enjoyed the guest post yesterday!! I sure did learn a lot from Lauren. And I completely agree with all that she said… she’s a wise one!
Now, let me explain what happened at the doctor yesterday. If you aren’t interested or don’t want to read a lengthy explanation then skip ahead… fair warning 😉 Long story short, according to my doctor, I am not healing as I should and progressing as I should. I am not following the timeline that goes with this particular type of injury. Those facts plus other inconsistencies lead my doctor to believe that there is something going on in addition to the stress fracture or that my bones are weak and there is an issue with the bones themselves. So, after consulting with a radiologist, my doctor advise that I have a CT scan to help determine what is exactly going on. I had the CT scan today (if you are curious what that is, you can read more about it here). It is sort of like the MRI that I had back in January but it gives more detailed information, or something like that. Anywho, I should find out the results of the scan tomorrow or the next day but I don’t go back to my doctor until next Tuesday. I will spare you the details of what it could be and wait until I find out for sure. In any case, as scary as it is, I am just glad that something is finally being done and we are going to get to the bottom of this. I hope.
I am trying very hard to not be scared and not give up hope. It seems like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer and dimmer and I see no end in sight. It’s been 4 months and I’m not all that sure I can handle much more of this. But logically, I know that there is an end, somewhere. It’s hard to keep that hope alive at times though, you know? Needless to say, I was pretty upset yesterday. Two things did cheer me up a little bit, more on that in a minute. But this afternoon television, of all things, has brightened my spirits. I was flipping through the channels and I came across a television show with Joyce Meyers (if you don’t know who that is, you can find out more about her here). (And you know by now that I am a Christian but I respect all beliefs) I really like Joyce Meyer but I don’t watch her show too often, I’m not sure why. Anyhow, I just happened to hit the show at the right time and I heard something about trials in life and so I stopped to watch. And boy am I glad I did. I can’t even tell you how much it helped me. Basically, she was talking about how God will bring trials into our lives but only trials that are going to work out for the good, that are going to lift us up, and make us stronger in the end. He is not going to bring something into our lives that we can’t handle. But God urges us to come to him.
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)
In short, we do NOT have to go through it alone, we don’t have to carry this burden alone. If we only have faith in him and trust that he knows best. No, we may not like it and yes, it may suck but if we accept it, we will find rest; or what Joyce refers to as a “soul vacation.” If we trust in God, we don’t have to worry, we don’t have to stress, we don’t have to try to figure it out – it will do NO good. By joyfully accepting whatever it is that is going on and trusting that God is going to use it to bring good into your life and to make you into a better person, we will find peace for our soul.
So that is what I am going to try to do. I have worried, I have cried, I have been frustrated, I have felt like giving up, I have lost all hope, I have been sad and depressed, I have tried to figure out what to do on my own. I have made myself absolutely sick with worry and stress by thinking of all the things that could be wrong and how I used to be and how I’ll never get back to that. And what has all this done for me? Nothing but make me miserable. I really can’t take this anymore, living life like this. Yes, this sucks. This is the hardest thing that I have ever been through in my entire life, harder than the darkest days of my eating disorder, harder than losing family members, harder than the most hellish times of past relationships… I have tried to be as positive as possible on this blog but there have been many times that I have had to fake it. I never thought that I would ever go through anything like this. But it’s here, it’s happened, and I can either give up or I can push through. I choose to fight. I am not going to give up and I am not going to give in to these bad thoughts and feelings. I am a survivor, I am not a loser, I am not a victim. This is not going to beat me. No matter what the results of the CT say, no matter what my doctor says, this is not the end. I refuse. That’s not to say that I am not going to have my bad days, I think they are inevitable. I may be knocked down but I am going to get right back up. I am gong to fight.
That being said, I appreciate the encouragement and support that each and every one of you have given me through all of this. The fact that you have pulled for me and prayed for me and just have been here for me throughout all of this, means the world to me. I really can’t thank you enough or show the depth of my gratitude and appreciation. I love you all!!!
Now on to happier things… yesterday I received the sweetest packages EVER from Freya over at Brit Chick Runs. This lovely lady sent me some goodies from England!!! Yay!!! I literally squealed every time I pulled out another goodie from the package. THANK YOU FREYA!!!! This girl is awesome, if you haven’t checked out her blog, do so! This package totally brightened my day and I can’t WAIT to try these things!!!! Of course I have already broken into quite a few things…
And now we shall backtrack to yesterday’s eats. I started off the day with another bowl of delicious rice cooker oats, courtesy of Mae.
This batch was pretty much the same as the other day, except I added more apple spice and remembered the salt! woo!
It had:
- 1/2 cup oats
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1/2 cup water
- apple pie spice
- salt
- 1/2 banana
- 1/2 an apple
- Chia seeds
All topped with Mighty Maple!!
And then I had an “omelet” for lunch. And I say “omelet” because it was kind of a fail in the execution department.
Ummmm… my omelet skills are severely lacking. BUT it tasted amazing!!!
It contained 1 egg, 2 egg whites, Boar’s head chicken breast, and 1 slice of pepperjack cheese. I forgot how good omelets are!!!! YUM!
I also had some broccoli.
And then an afternoon snack of plain Greek yogurt, strawberries, and Quaker Oatmeal Squares.
T’was delicious!
Dinner was very simple and easy but good nonetheless.
I had a baked sweet potato with a little real butter (makes all the difference) and brown sugar.
And some tuna with grape tomatoes, seasoned simply with salt. Yes, I can eat canned tuna straight. I’m odd, what I can say. Don’t knock it til you try it…
And then for dessert I had 2 small squares of Trader Joe’s Swiss Milk Chocolate and this packet of white hot chocolate mix from ye old England!
This stuff is amazing!!!!!!! I swear. And it only has around 40 calories! I mixed mine with mostly water and a little milk. It’s been far too long since I’ve had hot chocolate…
Today I started my day with something other than oats! I know, I know, insane…
I had a bowl of Kashi GoLean with 1/2 of a banana and 1% milk.
Yes, a simple bowl of cereal. I wanted a change from oats. I used to eat this cereal all the time. As in every day, back in the days of my eating disorder. Gabriela also discussed this topic of “ED foods” a while back. If you have a history of an ED, what were some foods that you considered “safe?” I ate this cereal every single day, with 1/2 of a banana, and 1/4 cup of skim milk. And I even ate it in a certain way, in a certain order. And since those awful days, I haven’t been able to stomach the cereal. But I really used to love it and it tastes delicious! So I decided to give it another go and challenge myself! And it was good! I really enjoyed it. It didn’t fill me up like oats do and I still prefer oats but it was a nice change 🙂
My appointment for my CT scan was during the time that I normally eat lunch so I decided to take a smoothie on the go. I haven’t had a normal smoothie in ages, I’ve been drinking GM’s for so long, and I was craving one today.
It was the BOMB!!!!! And it made a lot…
It’s so PINK!
I threw in:
- 1 banana
- handful of frozen raspberries
- handful of frozen peaches
- 1/2 cup plain Greek Yogurt
- 1/2 cup 1% milk
- 1/2 a packet vanilla Jay Robb’s protein powder (this made the smoothie!)
- crushed ice
I filled up my to-go cup AND another cup (which I saved for later)
And this baby packed a protein punch!!! It had roughly 30 grams of protein!!! Which did the trick, it filled me up!
When I got back form my CT scan, I had the rest of the smoothie and half of this bar (another one of the English goodies).
Doesn’t it sound delicious!! I just love how it says “and nothing dodgy” he…
And check out the ingredient list! Very good for a bar!
Yummm… it was SO good!! There were actual chunks of dried blueberries and pistachios. Mmmm…
Delish!
And then my mom made a fantastic dinner!!!! Roast chicken (er, technically it was cooked in the crock pot), roasted purple potatoes, and roasted broccoli.
The chicken was just to die for!! Slow cookers make the BEST roast chicken…
And the purple potatoes, how cool huh?! I picked these up 2 weeks ago (pre-crutch days) at Whole Foods and we just now got around to eating them.
When they say purple potatoes, they mean PURPLE. The insides were bright purple! They tasted like normal potatoes but.. better! I can’t put my finger on exactly what it tastes like but it’s yummy! These were cooked with just salt, pepper, and garlic powder. You can find out more about them here.
And roasted broccoli, simple but delicious.
And then for dessert I had a bite of this chocolate from Freya…
Which ROCKED! You can’t go wrong with chocolate…
And a bowl of fro-yo. I had a scoop of plain vanilla fro-yo and two scoops of the thin mint fro-yo.
I don’t even need to tell you how good it was…
A few days ago, Gabriela at Une Vie Saine gave me the Stiletto Award!! Thank You Gabriela!! This girl is amazing and I love her to death! She is super sweet and has been one of my best “bloggie friends.” For real, I feel SO blessed to have “met” her!!!
Now, I am supposed to:
1. Display the Stiletto badge of honor.
2. Brag about it – post a link to the page to highlight what the award is about.
3. Say thanks! Include a link to the friend who nominated you.
4. Share the love-nominate 5-10 more blogs. Leave links to their blogs and leave them a comment so they know they won!
5. Do what you do! Keep at it and keep inspiring others.
I could nominate a million and one bloggers (because you guys are all awesome!) but I will try to limit myself…
- Gracie at Girl Meets Health – She is SUCH an powerful model of someone with a super healthy body image and relationship with her body! And, she’s absolutely gorgeous!
- Kelly at My Verbal Vomit – She is currently dealing with an injury and going through PT but still keeps up a positive attitude!! She is a big inspiration to me!
- Amy at Second City Randomness – If you want a laugh, go check out her blog!! And I mean that in the best possible way, her blog posts always put a smile on my face and make me laugh no matter what kind of mood I may be in! She’s has the best sense of humor! And she is SUPER sweet and has dealt with past injuries and has given me great advice, motivation, and support!
- Andrea at Can You Stay for Dinner? – She has the most creative amazing recipes!!! And I secretly want her to come be my personal chef…
- Brandi at Bran Appetite – She’s just an awesome blogger all around!!! I’m always super jealous of her meals!
- Lauren at Biochemista – I love this girl! She’s always there to provide encouragement and support.
Whew, I apologize for the doozie of a post!! I hope you all have a fabulous Wednesday!!!!
"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn’t permanent."
– Jean Kerr
Jess
The Process of Healing 
This was a great post! I really admire how strong you are even though things are hard. I’ll be praying for you. Also, I love all the packaging on the British food! Those Brits are so cheeky! Have a good night, girl!
Thank you!! Yes, i love their cheekiness 🙂
AMAZING post love. seriously, you are so freaking encouraging. have you thought about going into the ministry or anything? you would be so awesome. im praying for you love. and i SO HAD KASHI GOLEAN WHEN I WAS SICK TOO! so crazy!! i can hardly eat it anymore bc of that-but i still love it!
Awww girl thank you!!!! I have never thought of doing anything in the ministry before but you know, that would be really cool. I am actually thinking about the possibility now, thanks to you!!! That’s so weird about the Kashi GoLean! Love you hun!!
So much good food on this page 😀 Back in my omnivore days, I couldn’t make an omelet for the LIFE of me lol. But it’s all about the taste, right?
Don’t lose hope girl. I love that you’re a fighter- keep it up 🙂
Thank you! And about the omelet, precisely. It may not look fabulous… but it’s the taste that really matters!
I really admire your happy outlook out things, even in spite of what you are going through Jess! You are an inspiration to me! I need to be more positive.
I hope that the doctor gets to the bottom of things ASAP. In the meantime I am glad you have such delicious foods like purple potatoes and crockpot chicken to make you feel better!
Have a great night!
Aw girl, that makes me so happy! I can’t believe that I’m an inspiration to anyone lol but you should know, YOU are an inspiration to me! Your blog is amazing and you have such a way with words…
Jeez, Louise!
Such amazing eats and pics!
You´re so lucky to receive such wonderful goodies, girl…
You´re loved 😀
Have a great Wednesday!
Brazilian XOXO´s,
Gabriela
Awww girlie thank you!! I do feel loved, I am lucky 🙂 I really do feel blessed.
Oh I am blushing for the new award! 🙂
I’m sorry the healing is slower than what they expected- which after alot of what I’ve read and heard from your injury is due to the first doctor… ugh!
Can I just say I love your positivity in this post?!?! I love that you’ve always felt the need to be so real on the blog. That’s why I admire you so much! 🙂 Through everything, the most important thing is to stay real and positive!
If I don’t read it on here first, let me know how it all goes! I’m cheering for you the whole way through.
And if you’re down and out for another extent of time, I’m suggesting a vacay. I’ll even go as far as to suggst Chicago- we’ll do the segway tour… :p God knows that’s prolly the best way for me to be touring the city, too… lol.
Keep crutching your way through the day! Love… -Amy B
Awww thank you Amy!!! You are so sweet 🙂 I can’t tell you how much that encouragement means to me!!!! And I think a trip to Chicago is in my future at some point 🙂 That would be really cool!!!!! And if you ever come to SC (not sure WHY you would ha) but if you do, i’ll give you the grand tour… not that it will take very long. Love you!
Well Chicago is fantastic in the upcoming months. We pride ourselves on lovely summers and bad baseball… ha ha
I was SO close to tears at this post – your choice to FIGHT this and not be the victim, and your continuing, brave perseverance is truly remarkable and encouraging – and because of that, not only will you come out of this a stronger person – but I truly feel everything WILL start to get better for you. And, as Amy said – I also admire you SO much for always being real with us. We’re here for you, through thick and thin. No need to fake it for us.
And, gotta say – I think England knows what’s up!! Look at all those amazing bars!! You made out like a bandit – I wouldn’t know where to begin 😉
Those oats look totally killer once again. And if you have blueberry oats in the morning – enjoy! I’m sure it won’t be hard.
Love ya girl, stay positive. xo
Thank you Jess!!!! That means the world to me! I can’t tell you how your encouragement and support helps me! You almost made ME cry! And I sure did enjoy the blueberry oats, yum! Love ya!
Jess, please never give up hope! I promise you, one day you will look back on this and reflect and realize that everything happens for a reason. I know how hard it must be for you, but you are going to get past it. You are strong and determined and you have so much going for you. And all your blog friends are here to support you!
By the way, British goodies look awesome…hahaha nothing dodgy, that made me laugh out loud.
Keep your spirits high! I am thinking of you and hoping for the best. Love you! xo
Haha the dodgy thing made me LOL too!! And thank you dear!!!!!!
Awh I’m sorry that it isn’t better news re your injury – but what an amazing attitude! You’re looking at it the best way (feeling like this has made me miserable..why continue?) – that’s totally inspiring. I have bad days sometimes too, but Im seriously going to save this post and look at it when I’m feeling down, cos your attitude is so good!
And ahahaa!! It’s so weird seeing all that food I sent you appear! It looks a little more crumpled now lol but yay!! Here’s hoping the snail mail delivers my stuff soon….xxx
Aw girl, you make me blush!! Thank you!!!!!!!!
I am in love with all of the cute packaging that is featured on Freya’s blog!! Looks like a great package!
Wow– I’m so sorry to hear that you aren’t progressing as you should. But you’re right– even if the news isn’t great, at least you might be getting an ANSWER, and that’s worth a lot. Good luck, girl!!! Remember, whatever the results are, we’re here for you!
Thank you!!! And you are right, at least I am getting somewhere, hopefully!
Well, I can relate to a ton of the above story u give at the top of your post. I like what u said: I choose to fight. I can survie. I am not a loser or a failure. I am not. I alwyas feel that way cause I was told I was or cause I compared myself to others or to myself in the past. And that is useless.
I have been off exercise for a year..and I know it will be another year or more yet…so u are not alone.
I cannot help but wonder if the bones issue has anything to do with your low intake and past disorder. You realize that restricting your intake, etc…all that it “catches” up to you.
I also am cautious to say this, but you don’t seem to have a very high intake…not at all…your dessert of a little chocolate..that is just a grab-n-go- while deciding what else to get for me 🙂 And your lunches and breakfasts and dinners…well, your snacks too…u have a lot (a ton) of room to get more calories in there…just eating all food , u dont need fancy shakes or powders…
but, who am I to say those things? I am just musing. Or giving some “food for thought”…but its none of my business, and u are completely different than me or any other. 🙂
so do what u wish or desire of course! hot oats with TONS of combinations and yogurt is so yummy…either overnight…or having the hot oats against the cold yogurt…and so many toppings and combos, its neat.
I’m not sure if the bone issues has to do with my restricting in the past but I wouldn’t be surprised. And if so, then I know that it is partially my fault. But there’s nothing I can do about it now you know? And as for what I eat, I am trying to eat enough but I really don’t have much of an appetite. And, I’m hardly moving around at all. I’m just trying to listen to my body.
That’s such a cool package from Freya!! I love discovering new foods when I travel, I’m always amazed at the stuff they do and don’t have!! And you got so much awesome chocolate 🙂
YAY you know I love your cereal breaky!! Even though it is an ED food for many people, I think it’s way too delicious to give up forever. Plus, as the weather gets warmer, it’s nice to have an alternative besides hot oats, right?
I’ve never seen Joyce Meyer, but I was talking to a friend about struggles the other day and we both agreed that they serve a bigger purpose. We can try so hard to fight what is inevitable, but I don’t think that God ever gives in when He knows what He’s doing is good for us in the long run. I know how much of a struggle this must be, and I think anyone in your situation would be just as frustrated, but you’ve done an amazing job of dealing with it so far and i KNOW that there is an end in sight for you. Don’t give up on that light at the end of the tunnel 🙂 I’m keeping you in my thoughts today as you wait for your scan results!!
Hope you have a great day love!! xoxo
I know!! New foods is one of my favorite things about traveling! And exactly right about the cereal! During the hot summer days, a HOT bowl of oats is just not what I want, no matter how much I love them!
About what you and your friend were talking about, that is so right. It’s so hard to accept things sometimes but God does know what is best, in the end. And thank you for your encouragement and support!! It means the WORLD to me! Love you!
I absolutely love the positive outlook you’re adopting towards your injury, hun. I always believed that things happened for a reason, and that there’s an ultimate purpose for any suffering we have to endure. Trials and tribulations serve to teach us lessons that we would otherwise not have learned, and I think it’s beautiful that you mentioned that God will never give us more than we can handle and that He’ll be there to catch us if we start to fall.
Don’t lose hope, love. No matter what happens, you will be okay. Still keeping you in my prayers ❤
You are so very right! And thank you, I appreciate your thoughts and prayers so very much!
Aww thanks for the award girl, you just made my morning! I hope the results of your CT scan are positive and that you can start to figure out what is really going on. Chin up!
This is the perfect post at just the right time. It’s been five years since I’ve been able to run. It’s been almost three since I could walk or stand without pain. So when you say “it seems like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer and dimmer and I see no end in sight,” I totally agree. Sometimes with injuries it feels like nothing will ever change, that we’ll be stuck like this forever. But you’re so right about trials happening for a reason and not having to go through it alone. It’s something I struggle with all the time (why doesn’t God take it away already?!) but in the end He does know what’s best. And as much as I’d like to understand the Why all I can do is trust. Or, in my case, work hard at trusting. Thanks so much for writing this. It totally hit home.
You have an inspiring attitude and outlook on this. Keep your head up. You’re in my thoughts!
this is such a great post, and i love at the end of the verse the passage “my yoke is easy and my burden is light” – such an amazing descriptor! thinking and praying for you girl 🙂
Thank you Heather, I really appreciate it!
Everything looks so tasty but the smoothie is my favourite!
I wish you all the best!
Sorry to hear the news on the healing not going smoothly. They will figure it out and get you taken care of though I am sure. And great thinking to focus on Jesus and let him help you. Worry definitely doesn’t accomplish anything.
holy cow, all that stuff she sent you looks so good. it’s all so colorful!! lucky girl!
Im so sorry to hear about your doctors appointment. I pray that you find out what is wrong so you can get on the road to recovery.
and funny what you said about cereal being a safe food–cereal was something i would avoid!
That is odd!! Well not odd… I mean it just goes to show that everyone’s struggles with their ed’s are always different.
Honey…my heart goes out to you and you are in my thoughts! Just know that! I hope you get news tomorrow that will at least allow you and your doctor to make decisions that are proactive and can get you back to where you want to be! Hang in there….
Thank you so much Kelly!
hi Jessica, just stopped by to read Ameena’s guest post and didn’t know what was happening with you so i also stopped by to read your about me page and this post to get better informed. i love your never give up attitude and how much strength you have! i’m so sorry that you are going through this. i just recently injured my back and have not been able to play sports like i used to. i used to play every kind of sport you could name (for fun). now i can’t even lift up my own son without pain. i’ve seen a doctor who referred me to physiotherapy and i’ve also tried acupunture but nothing seems to be working so i know how frustrating it is. at this point i will try anything to be able to pick up my one year old again without pain. he is the one giving me the strength to keep fighting. find something that will give you strength (i guess it would be your love for running) and please do not give up your battle. i wish you much luck with your process of healing and hope you will keep staying strong. my prayers are with you.
Aww, my love, I really wish I could give you a huge hug right now. This must be such a hard time for you. I am amazed at your strength and outlook. You have no idea what an inspiration you are to everyone who reads this blog. Not only are you kind, intelligent, funny, and creative, but you show us all how positivity and courage can change negativity into a growing experience. Thanks for always being honest and sharing your struggles and triumphs with us all. I’m always supporting you, I know it will get better. I believe in this process.
And thank you so much for the award, it’s so thoughtful! I smiled ear to ear when I saw my name!!
Thank you so much!! I can’t tell you how much that means to me! You are so sweet 🙂
And you are VERY welcome!
Hi love!!! Just getting around to catching up on some blog reading….thank you so much for the sweet award!!! Love you girl!! 🙂
Your post pretty much brought me to tears because as you know I’ve been there. My recovery took 6 months. And each day felt like a month. It wasn’t until I changed my attitude to believe “everything happens for a reason” (as you posted) that things changed for me. I took up other hobbies, made more friends, reconnected with family members, etc. You *will* be a stronger person in the end. And you WILL NOT regret the experience even though now I’m sure you’d trade just about anything to feel better again.
Hang in there girl. You are amazing.
xx,
Lauren
Jess, I know that you posted this a few days ago (i’m a little behind on my blog reading because I’ve been sick) but I just wanted to let you know that you are an amazingly strong girl. By what you described, you seem to have been through a lot in your life, and I can only imagine how hard it is to take on another trial. It’s so awesome that you happened to come across Joyce Meyers and that she was able to give you hope and strength. I can tell you that there was a time in my life when many things seemed so out of my control and I thought that my life would be forever miserable. I ended up talking to my brother about it and he basically opened my eyes to many things. He first said he understood all of my pain and he sympathized with me. Then he said that he wanted to ask me a series of questions and all he wanted was a yes or no answer. These were some of his questions:
1. Have you ever been evicted from your home with nowhere to go?
2. Have you ever lost your job and had no way to provide food for yourself or your family?
3. Have you ever been so sick but you couldn’t pay to go to the doctor?
As he asked me these questions, and all my answers were no, tears came down my face because then I knew that even after everything that I had been through, God had still blessed my life. So keep your head up. You are an amazingly strong Christian and I respect you so much for turning to God in this hard time in your life.
girl you are so encouraging!!! Love this post! That smoothie looks and sounds incredible!
xo