The gorgeous Amanda from Seek recently gave me this Beautiful award (thank you Amanda!)
My answers are not going to be nearly as eloquent or as well said as hers but I’ll try my best 🙂
1) What physical features do you love about yourself?
My eyes and my hair. I have my mom’s eyes, that’s about the only thing we share in common. But I love them. They are technically green but they change depending on what I’m wearing, my mood, etc. And I’ve always liked my hair, even though I’m bad at styling it. It feels so wrong to be talking about what I love about my body, I feel like I’m gloating or being prideful. How awful is that? We should feel comfortable talking about the things we love about your bodies!! Because this is the only body we have. For all it’s imperfections and things we wish were different, we have to learn to love it to have peace with it.
2) How do you personally take care of yourself?
I believe the most important part of taking care of yourself involves listening to your body. If you listen, if you truly listen, your body will steer you in the right direction. And this is how I take care of myself, I listen. I don’t deny myself. I feed my body plenty of fruits and veggies that contain whole grains. I feed my body enough, I don’t starve it and I don’t push it past its limits. I believe taking care of yourself involves taking care of both your body, your heart AND your mind. I take care of my mind and my heart by relying on my Faith and try to banish worry and stress from my life. I follow my heart and my instincts and just listen.
3) What are you looking forward to?
As corny as this may sound, I’m looking forward to life. For so long, I lived a life based on how many calories I burn in one day, how little I could eat, how far I could push myself, etc. I completely ignored the small things in life and just took life for granted in general. Now, I just want to live. I look forward to waking up in the morning, taking a walk in the sunshine, cooking delicious meals, baking exciting goodies, starting school in the Fall, working, … I just look forward to LIFE. I think that many of us focus so much on what we don’t have that we forget what we do have. And we forget to appreciate the small things that happen every day that can bring you SUCH joy, if you only pay attention and let them.
4) Who has aided your recovery the most?
That’s a hard question to answer. I would say my best friend from high school and my ex-boyfriend of four years. My best friend aided my recovery in that she showed me what anorexia can really do to a person. It was a sad thing because we almost support each other in our eating disorders (I wrote a post about that a while back). But her disorder was much more severe than mine and she got to a horrible place. When I saw what it did to her, without going into detail, it stayed with me. And when my eating disorder became full-blown, I remembered her and what it did to ME, seeing her like that, and I realized that I couldn’t do that to my family and friends. Seeing her go through what she did killed me inside and I couldn’t bear to do that to those I loved. And then my ex-boyfriend. We were together for four years and so he was a HUGE part of my life. I am who I am partly because of him and regardless of the way things ended between us and what happened when our relationship spiraled downward, I will always love him. Regardless of the issues we had, he made me feel beautiful. While he never truly understood my eating disorder, he was there as a shoulder to cry on and for emotional support. And as I started to recover and gain weight, he was there to support me and tell me that I was beautiful. No matter what size I was or what the scale said, I knew that he loved me and would continue to love me regardless. And that, THAT, is what really helped me to be ok with gaining weight, knowing that I was still beautiful in his eyes, even when I wasn’t in my own. Now, I have gained the self-confidence that I did not have at that time and am able to see what he once saw and be happy with how I look. But even more than those two people, the thing that has helped me the most is my faith in the Lord. Without that, I don’t know where I would be right now.
5) What was the very last thing you ate?
Greek yogurt topped with a Whole Foods Blueberry Muffin… in other words, the most amazing thing ever. I heart muffins, in a MAJOR way.
6) What is one material thing you are dying to have right now?
Honestly, the things that I am dying to have right now are far, far from material things. I’m dying to be healthy, to get off of these crutches, to be able to work again, to simply take a walk, … But to answer the question specifically, I would LOVE to have a new camera. Mine is old and has been acting up for a while now (I’m so afraid it’s going to die on me). But I sadly don’t have the funds for a new camera at the moment 😦 One day.
7) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
Can I say everywhere? Some of the places that I really want to go that I haven’t been to are California, Oregon, D.C., New Orleans, Greece, France, Italy… but I also love NYC, Ireland, and England. I’d really just like to travel the world!
8 ) What is/was your biggest fear food, and how will/did you conquer it?
My biggest fear food was peanut butter. I know, crazy right? I was also afraid of pasta, eggs, full-fat cheese, etc. but nut butter in general was the biggie for me. I got over that through oatmeal 🙂 I started by adding a tsp to my bowl and then I gradually increase it. Now, I enjoy nut butter in many forms and I can’t imagine life without it!
9) What are your dreams for life after ED?
Well, I do think that I am almost there. Almost. I think that I’ll always have days where my ED will fight me but I’ve come a long way. I hope to one day shut that voice out permanently but regardless, I know that I am stronger anything ED can throw at me. I hope to enjoy food, all types, without a second thought or a twinge of guilt.
10) What advice would you give to someone concerning eating disorders?
Don’t give up! There is life beyond your ED. You are stronger than you think you are and you CAN conquer it!!!! And I promise, life is so much more beautiful when you are free of your Ed.
I am now supposed to give this award to 10 other beautiful ladies. I am not sure I can do this because I think you are ALL beautiful and I hate to single certain bloggers out. So I’m breaking the rules and I am tagging you ALL! That’s right, you! Take this award and blog about it, answer the questions on your own blog whether you are recovering from an ED or not. Because I think we should all be reminded of how beautiful we are!