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Good evening loves! It always makes me feel so behind when I’m away from the blog world for more than one day. Yesterday ended up being a SUPER busy day, leaving no time for blog reading or a post. And I do want to take a minute to say one thing… I haven’t been able to read and comment on as many blogs lately as I would like to. Life has gotten busy (in a good way) and I don’t have as much time as when I was laid up in bed with crutches, if you know what I mean. And there are just SO many amazing blogs out there and I love each and every one of you who read and comment on my blog… even if I can’t always make it around to yours. I need to learn better time management skills I suppose.. but there is just NEVER enough time for all of the wonderful blogs out there. Do you feel me?

So yes, back to yesterday… I went to my family doctor to have blood work done per my nutritionist’s request. She wanted my some of my vitamin levels checked, my iron, thryroid, and have me tested for gluten intolerance. Which, of course, involves drawing blood. Umm.. not my cup of tea. I seriously almost passed out from the thought of it… ugh. But I digress, I wanted to share something that came up in relation to my eating disorder. I’m sharing this because I want you to know that even though I have come a long way, I still do struggle sometimes. And for those of you who may have some of the same issues, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. Anyways, they put me on the scale to weigh me. Now, I haven’t weighed myself in probably… 6 months to a year ago? It’s been a while. This is because the number on the scale never satisfies me. If it’s higher than I thought it would be, I’ll feel intense guilt and risk regressing back into my ED. If it’s lower than I thought it would be, then I’ll be secretly happy and instinctively want to eat less to make it go down even more so. So anytime I’ve been weighed, I’ve looked the other way because I just didn’t want to know. But yesterday, I was talking to the nurse while she was weighing me and not consciously looking away from the number on the scale and I saw it and lo and behold, it was lower than I thought. Now, it’s still a healthy weight for my height and I’m happy with the way I look but as much as I hate to say this, the little ED voice inside of me was thrilled, THRILLED, that the number was lower than I thought. And as soon as I felt that surge of happiness, I was so upset with myself. I shouldn’t be happy about that… I feel almost guilty for being happy about that because it means that there is still a bit of that ED deep down inside of me… and I want to get. it. out. for good! Does anyone else struggle with anything like this sometimes?

 

I had a bowl of Kashi Vanilla cereal for breakfast yesterday with 1 banana and 1/2 cup of 1% milk.

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Surprisingly, it held me over really well.

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And then for lunch I had a PB & J sandwich.

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Well, it started off as a sandwich but soon turned into an open-faced sammie, because that’s just how I roll when seeking ultimate enjoyment from the deliciousness that is Barney Butter and amazing bread.

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The base was the sprouted whole wheat cinnamon raison bread that I spread with Barney Butter and Crofter’s.

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If you haven’t tried Barney Butter yet, you haven’t LIVED!!

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I also had an apple on the side.

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And then dinner is un-pictured because I went out with someone and I’m not about to bust out the camera or even discreetly take pictures while pretending to text in that certain situation, if you know what I mean. One day… But I had a  small Caeser salad this trout dish that had crab and shrimp on top.

 

I was missing my beloved bowl of oats the past few days and so I had an old faithful for breakfast.

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Well I guess it’s technically a new faithful since I’ve been all about this combo lately…

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It had:

  • 1/3 cup oats
  • 1/3 cup almond milk
  • 1/3 cup water
  • cinnamon
  • salt
  • 1/2 of a banana
  • whipped cottage cheese
  • blackberries
  • Maranatha almond butter

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Are you tired of seeing this yet? I can’t blame you.

But check out my lunch!!

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What is that pretty bowl of pink, you may ask?

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Why, a smoothie in a bowl!!

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My appetite has been kind of missing lately and this was the only thing that sounded remotely appetizing, which is why there are no veggies in this meal.

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It had:

  • 1/2 of a frozen banana
  • 1 cup or so fresh strawberries
  • 1/3 cup plain nonfat Greek yogurt
  • 1/3 cup coconut milk
  • 1-2 tbsp. Jay Robb’s Vanilla protein powder
  • crushed ice
  • topped with 1/2 cup Trader Joe’s cereal (can’t remember the name. I apologize)

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YUM!!!! Nuff said.

 

For dinner, we incorporated a new product (to me and my family that is), Quorn Gruyere Chik’N Cutlets.

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YUM!!!! These things are good!! We had ours on a whole wheat bun (yeah, the size is kind of off hehe) with ketchup and pickles.

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Yes, sounds like a weird combination but don’t knock it til you try it…

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On the side, some kale sautéed with POM, stock, water, and maple agave nectar. Figured I needed some veggies in there somewhere… 😉

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And I had this new Breyer’s Vanilla Fudge Brownie ice cream sandwich for dessert. My mom bought them on a whim today and then proceeded to eat one right in front of me and well, who am I to resist the call of an ice cream sandwich?

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Small, but delicious! Why must they make things look SO big on the box when in reality they are super tiny?! It’s such a tease.

 

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment with my doctor at Steadman Hawkins (the new good one that I saw 5 weeks ago that sent me to the nutritionist, PT, and whatnot). I think I’m supposed to have improved a bit more by now but we shall see what he says… And if I have learned anything through all of this, things do NOT always go as planned and by the timeframe that a doctor dictates. But I’m hoping for good news anyway!

 

Love,

Jess

 

“Maybe mistakes are what make our fate… without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn’t fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart… and if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away.” – Sex and the City

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