“Don’t dwell on "what if", but cherish "what is".”
I originally wasn’t going to blog tonight but I feel like something has been put on my heart to share. This summer has been life-changing. Things have happened that have brought me such joy and yet things have happened that have brought me great pain. I am heading down a path that I never would have expected, I never could have planned for. All of my life, I had a “plan.” I planned on a certain career path, a particular school, to fall in love with a certain type of person who matched the criteria on my “checklist,” to get married by a certain age, have children by a certain age,… you get the idea. And about this time last year, things begin to shift in my life. To put it simply, God took my plan and tore it up into a million pieces. Everything in my life that was stable and sure, is gone. No more plan. At least that plan. In the beginning, it was almost exciting for me, exhilarating, to know that I could whatever I want, no limits. And now? I’m struggling with this having no plan thing.
"If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary." – Jim Rohn
I know in general what I want to do with my life career-wise, but no particulars. It is incredibly uncertain and it’s beginning to scare me silly. I feel like I’ve been in school forever and everyone my age has graduated and moved on with their lives, to real careers. While I still have no certain idea what I want to do. I feel so behind when it comes to this. And also, most people my age that I went to school with are beginning to get engaged, married, and are having children. All of my life, like I said, I had a plan for when those things would happen. A plan that I no longer have. Those things are not happening in my foreseeable future, and it freaks me out. Risking sharing too much, I am with someone… I have not really shared it on the blog but it is what it is. And this person is so not what I planned on. He doesn’t fit into this neat little box. Yet he makes me happier than I could have ever thought possible but also challenges me and pushes my limits (in a good way). It’s so hard, I’ve never known anyone like him. And I never know what to expect from him. Laying my heart on the line for something I’ve never felt before, for someone I never planned on caring about, is probably the scariest thing that I have ever done in my entire life. And I don’t know where it’s going to go or what is going to happen, it’s incredibly uncertain. I can’t plot the course of our relationship on a graph and prepare myself for what is to come… because I don’t know. And honestly? That scares the hell out of me. He wasn’t a part of my plan. But I’m beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, he and my uncertain career path is a part of God’s plan. He took everything that was stable in my life away, everything that I thought I wanted, and I was left with just him and me, for so many months. And that showed me that no matter what happens in my life, he is always there, even if I push him away. And then finally, he gave me these things that I never knew I wanted but are so amazing that it brings me to tears just sharing this.
"If a window of opportunity appears, don’t pull down the shade." – Tom Peters
Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t just hand these things to me. He pushed me to take risks and do things that scared me to death. And my reward? Happiness beyond comprehension. Risks are scary, for sure. This past year and especially the past 7/8 weeks have been the scariest of my entire life. But the thing is, risks and the fear that comes from them can be oh so worth it. And sometimes? Sometimes they’re not, sometimes you fall. But you have to pick yourself up and move on. Move on to the next opportunity. Because there will be another opportunity.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned to have the life that is waiting for us…”
And now that I have a taste of what life is like when you stop settling for the mundane and go for the extraordinary, well, there’s no turning back. I refuse to settle for anything less than a job I love, love that makes my heart sing, and a life that brings pure happiness. I just refuse to settle. And this means that the road is not going to be easy. Going for the extraordinary requires patience, persistence, courage, and the ability to listen to your heart and DO what it says.
"Sometimes the easiest way is the hard way." – John Finn