While everyone else is blogging about their New Year’s Resolutions (which will be coming), I thought I would take a minute to reflect on 2010. This may be more for me than for you but nonetheless…
January was the first month of my stress fracture, after it happening in December. I was blissfully unaware of how serious it was due to being misdiagnosed but it was a hard month dealing with not being able to run. Little did I know how worse it would get…I did, however, start this blog… I can’t even believe it’s been a year! January was also my first semester of business classes after leaving early childhood…
Another month, not much had changed. Still dealing with the stress fracture, getting more confused, but still unaware of its seriousness. Other than that, after being alone on Valentine’s Day for the first time in four years, I challenged myself to stop being picky and start going out with different guys..thus leading to a LOT of dates, hits and misses… mostly misses. You live, you learn?
All I remember about March is the bed rest and learning how serious my stress fracture was. I quit school and couldn’t work (due to the bed rest).It was not a good month.
April was a pretty eventful month. More bed rest, but then around my birthday, the A-OK to be off of it. Hooray!! And ofcourse my birthday itself and the beginning of PT.
May. Oh May. Where do I even begin… I was allowed to go back to work, which was fabulous. And then on Mother’s Day, I was reunited with an old love, my first love. This was the beginning of a life-changing year. And this was also, quite possibly, the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
Life-CHANGING month. First, there was my trip to Ireland. Amazing. Gorgeous. One of the best times of my life. Crazy life-changing. It was also a hard month because of my relationship. And that’s all i’m going to say about that.
This first part of this month was probably the hardest of my life, harder than even being on bed rest earlier that year. The previously mentioned relationship ended and my world fell down around me. And then like any smart girl (ha), I rebounded. Oh did I rebound. But said guy also changed my life, in other ways. He introduced me to the person who got the me the job I have now, to friends I’m still friends with now, to people I will forever care about, showed me new experiences, opened me up, and gave me amazingly happy memories that can never be taken away. I also went to the beach with one of my best friends, creating even MORE happy memories.
Most of August was still with said guy. He took me to my first Nascar race in Bristol, TN. And then that relationship ended and again, my world fell apart. It wasn’t as bad as the one in July, as this situation was a lot different, but he took away all I know, the people I hung out with, the things I did. I cried and prayed that God would change things for a week and then I woke up one day and realized I was much better off. Yes, I will always have those happy memories, but that wasn’t where I was meant to be.
I don’t remember too much about September, except for my trip to Charlotte. Where I fell in love. For some reason, the city almost calls to me. I feel like it’s where I’m meant to be. Another guy also entered the picture. And then begin to leave. And again, I realized it was somewhere God never wanted me to be.
The main thing that happened in Oct. was my beginning my new job, which has TOTALLY changed me. I am so much more outgoing. You may or may not be able to tell from the blog, but I was SUPER shy and quiet in the past. As I got older, I began to come out of my shell. But my new job is what pushed it. I have met SO many people since beginning work there, life-long friends. And while sometimes I want to walk out the door, I love my job and what it has brought me.
And what has it brought me? I met someone that gave me the courage to love again. The guy I dated in July, he’s my first love really. And I will always love him. If things were different… but they aren’t. I’ve loved him for over a year and I can’t let it go. No one else has ever compared to him, though I’ve tried. Most of the time I’m OK but some days are still, to this day, a huge struggle. And after that, I thought my heart would never be the same. And I don’t know if it will, but I do know that I can love again. I know that I found someone who would go to the ends of the earth for me, who insists on opening doors for me, brings me flowers for no reason, would do anything to make me happy, makes me feel beautiful, is thoughtful, sweet, loves my family (and vica versa), and I could go on. Sometimes what feels like the end, is only the beginning.
I have learned…
- Worry does not help.
- Nothing good comes from over-analyzing
- You can’t change someone else’s feelings
- There IS a reason for everything
- The ability to run, walk, work, etc. is a PRIVILIGE and should not be taken for granted
- If God doesn’t want you in a situation, even if you put yourself in it, he will get you out
- You can’t please everyone
- I have to do what’s right for ME because ultimately, I have to live with the consequences
- Always follow your heart and take chances. Even if things don’t turn out the way you prefer, it’s always the better road.
- The best is yet to come
As you can see, it’s been QUITE the year and has included the best and worst things that have ever happened to me. Sometimes I really struggle with why things happen the way they do… why does God take things away that I love (like running) or allow you to fall in love with someone you can’t be with? I don’t have the answers to those questions. And I don’t know if I ever will. But I also realize that I’ve changed so much for the better this year. A year ago today? I don’t want to go back there to who I was then. I wish I could do this year over again, knowing what I know now, doing things differently, but I can’t. All I can do is take what I have learned, who I am, the knowledge that everything happens for a reason and what’s meant to be WILL BE, into 2011 and make it a fabulous year.