[Side note: I’ve been a fan of Melissas side notes about her battle with disordered thoughts. I, like Melissa, have a history of an eating disorder and still sometimes struggle with day to day disordered thoughts. I usually have a healthy mindset and treat my body with care and eat intuitively…but everyone has their own struggles. I’d like to share with you an experience I had today.]
I went into work today with a great surprise. A while ago, we had a manager in training and I grew to love him, he was like a father figure. Unfortunately, managers in training or only temporary, they eventually leave and go to their own store. The day he left, I cried. And cried. He didn’t tell me he was leaving and it was his last day until right before he left for the night and it tore me up. After that, I never had any contact with him. Today I come in and he’s there! He came to our store to help out for a week. I freaked out when I saw him and we then caught up on each others lives. Life was good.
After my shift he asked me if I was hungry (like I said, he’s just like a father). I was starving and ofcourse I said yeah and he told me he’d make me something. I was ok until he placed it in front of me..a baked potato topped with grilled chicken, broccoli, and….Alfredo sauce. Alfredo sauce is one of those fear foods that still scare me, I’ve yet to have real Alfredo sauce since my ed started. Anyway, I started flipping out inside when I saw my nemesis there on the plate. I just could NOT do it! And then I thought…this dear man who loves made me this delicious meal out of the kindness of his heart. And I’m going to refuse it? Um, no. And so I ate it. And it was incredible. And it made him so pleased.
It’s not about eating to please others, even though I ate it so as to not disappoint him. Afterwards, I realized how GOOD it was! (This man can cook!) I felt so special that he made it especially for me and there was no other option but to enjoy it. But by enjoying it and making him happy, I overcome a huge obstacle…the only fear food I had left. I’m proud of myself but I’m also thankful for him for putting me in that place.
Fear foods aren’t all that scary. I ate it, I loved it, and I survived! I didn’t gain 10 lbs from one meal. But most importantly, I challenged myself and proved to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.