Good evening! How was your day?
First and foremost, I’m so glad that you enjoyed the guest post yesterday!! I sure did learn a lot from Lauren. And I completely agree with all that she said… she’s a wise one!
Now, let me explain what happened at the doctor yesterday. If you aren’t interested or don’t want to read a lengthy explanation then skip ahead… fair warning 😉 Long story short, according to my doctor, I am not healing as I should and progressing as I should. I am not following the timeline that goes with this particular type of injury. Those facts plus other inconsistencies lead my doctor to believe that there is something going on in addition to the stress fracture or that my bones are weak and there is an issue with the bones themselves. So, after consulting with a radiologist, my doctor advise that I have a CT scan to help determine what is exactly going on. I had the CT scan today (if you are curious what that is, you can read more about it here). It is sort of like the MRI that I had back in January but it gives more detailed information, or something like that. Anywho, I should find out the results of the scan tomorrow or the next day but I don’t go back to my doctor until next Tuesday. I will spare you the details of what it could be and wait until I find out for sure. In any case, as scary as it is, I am just glad that something is finally being done and we are going to get to the bottom of this. I hope.
I am trying very hard to not be scared and not give up hope. It seems like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer and dimmer and I see no end in sight. It’s been 4 months and I’m not all that sure I can handle much more of this. But logically, I know that there is an end, somewhere. It’s hard to keep that hope alive at times though, you know? Needless to say, I was pretty upset yesterday. Two things did cheer me up a little bit, more on that in a minute. But this afternoon television, of all things, has brightened my spirits. I was flipping through the channels and I came across a television show with Joyce Meyers (if you don’t know who that is, you can find out more about her here). (And you know by now that I am a Christian but I respect all beliefs) I really like Joyce Meyer but I don’t watch her show too often, I’m not sure why. Anyhow, I just happened to hit the show at the right time and I heard something about trials in life and so I stopped to watch. And boy am I glad I did. I can’t even tell you how much it helped me. Basically, she was talking about how God will bring trials into our lives but only trials that are going to work out for the good, that are going to lift us up, and make us stronger in the end. He is not going to bring something into our lives that we can’t handle. But God urges us to come to him.
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30 (New International Version)
In short, we do NOT have to go through it alone, we don’t have to carry this burden alone. If we only have faith in him and trust that he knows best. No, we may not like it and yes, it may suck but if we accept it, we will find rest; or what Joyce refers to as a “soul vacation.” If we trust in God, we don’t have to worry, we don’t have to stress, we don’t have to try to figure it out – it will do NO good. By joyfully accepting whatever it is that is going on and trusting that God is going to use it to bring good into your life and to make you into a better person, we will find peace for our soul.
So that is what I am going to try to do. I have worried, I have cried, I have been frustrated, I have felt like giving up, I have lost all hope, I have been sad and depressed, I have tried to figure out what to do on my own. I have made myself absolutely sick with worry and stress by thinking of all the things that could be wrong and how I used to be and how I’ll never get back to that. And what has all this done for me? Nothing but make me miserable. I really can’t take this anymore, living life like this. Yes, this sucks. This is the hardest thing that I have ever been through in my entire life, harder than the darkest days of my eating disorder, harder than losing family members, harder than the most hellish times of past relationships… I have tried to be as positive as possible on this blog but there have been many times that I have had to fake it. I never thought that I would ever go through anything like this. But it’s here, it’s happened, and I can either give up or I can push through. I choose to fight. I am not going to give up and I am not going to give in to these bad thoughts and feelings. I am a survivor, I am not a loser, I am not a victim. This is not going to beat me. No matter what the results of the CT say, no matter what my doctor says, this is not the end. I refuse. That’s not to say that I am not going to have my bad days, I think they are inevitable. I may be knocked down but I am going to get right back up. I am gong to fight.
That being said, I appreciate the encouragement and support that each and every one of you have given me through all of this. The fact that you have pulled for me and prayed for me and just have been here for me throughout all of this, means the world to me. I really can’t thank you enough or show the depth of my gratitude and appreciation. I love you all!!!
Now on to happier things… yesterday I received the sweetest packages EVER from Freya over at Brit Chick Runs. This lovely lady sent me some goodies from England!!! Yay!!! I literally squealed every time I pulled out another goodie from the package. THANK YOU FREYA!!!! This girl is awesome, if you haven’t checked out her blog, do so! This package totally brightened my day and I can’t WAIT to try these things!!!! Of course I have already broken into quite a few things…
And now we shall backtrack to yesterday’s eats. I started off the day with another bowl of delicious rice cooker oats, courtesy of Mae.
This batch was pretty much the same as the other day, except I added more apple spice and remembered the salt! woo!
- 1/2 cup oats
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1/2 cup water
- apple pie spice
- 1/2 banana
- 1/2 an apple
- Chia seeds
All topped with Mighty Maple!!
And then I had an “omelet” for lunch. And I say “omelet” because it was kind of a fail in the execution department.
Ummmm… my omelet skills are severely lacking. BUT it tasted amazing!!!
It contained 1 egg, 2 egg whites, Boar’s head chicken breast, and 1 slice of pepperjack cheese. I forgot how good omelets are!!!! YUM!
I also had some broccoli.
And then an afternoon snack of plain Greek yogurt, strawberries, and Quaker Oatmeal Squares.
Dinner was very simple and easy but good nonetheless.
I had a baked sweet potato with a little real butter (makes all the difference) and brown sugar.
And some tuna with grape tomatoes, seasoned simply with salt. Yes, I can eat canned tuna straight. I’m odd, what I can say. Don’t knock it til you try it…
And then for dessert I had 2 small squares of Trader Joe’s Swiss Milk Chocolate and this packet of white hot chocolate mix from ye old England!
This stuff is amazing!!!!!!! I swear. And it only has around 40 calories! I mixed mine with mostly water and a little milk. It’s been far too long since I’ve had hot chocolate…
Today I started my day with something other than oats! I know, I know, insane…
I had a bowl of Kashi GoLean with 1/2 of a banana and 1% milk.
Yes, a simple bowl of cereal. I wanted a change from oats. I used to eat this cereal all the time. As in every day, back in the days of my eating disorder. Gabriela also discussed this topic of “ED foods” a while back. If you have a history of an ED, what were some foods that you considered “safe?” I ate this cereal every single day, with 1/2 of a banana, and 1/4 cup of skim milk. And I even ate it in a certain way, in a certain order. And since those awful days, I haven’t been able to stomach the cereal. But I really used to love it and it tastes delicious! So I decided to give it another go and challenge myself! And it was good! I really enjoyed it. It didn’t fill me up like oats do and I still prefer oats but it was a nice change 🙂
My appointment for my CT scan was during the time that I normally eat lunch so I decided to take a smoothie on the go. I haven’t had a normal smoothie in ages, I’ve been drinking GM’s for so long, and I was craving one today.
It was the BOMB!!!!! And it made a lot…
It’s so PINK!
I threw in:
- 1 banana
- handful of frozen raspberries
- handful of frozen peaches
- 1/2 cup plain Greek Yogurt
- 1/2 cup 1% milk
- 1/2 a packet vanilla Jay Robb’s protein powder (this made the smoothie!)
- crushed ice
I filled up my to-go cup AND another cup (which I saved for later)
And this baby packed a protein punch!!! It had roughly 30 grams of protein!!! Which did the trick, it filled me up!
When I got back form my CT scan, I had the rest of the smoothie and half of this bar (another one of the English goodies).
Doesn’t it sound delicious!! I just love how it says “and nothing dodgy” he…
And check out the ingredient list! Very good for a bar!
Yummm… it was SO good!! There were actual chunks of dried blueberries and pistachios. Mmmm…
And then my mom made a fantastic dinner!!!! Roast chicken (er, technically it was cooked in the crock pot), roasted purple potatoes, and roasted broccoli.
The chicken was just to die for!! Slow cookers make the BEST roast chicken…
And the purple potatoes, how cool huh?! I picked these up 2 weeks ago (pre-crutch days) at Whole Foods and we just now got around to eating them.
When they say purple potatoes, they mean PURPLE. The insides were bright purple! They tasted like normal potatoes but.. better! I can’t put my finger on exactly what it tastes like but it’s yummy! These were cooked with just salt, pepper, and garlic powder. You can find out more about them here.
And roasted broccoli, simple but delicious.
And then for dessert I had a bite of this chocolate from Freya…
Which ROCKED! You can’t go wrong with chocolate…
And a bowl of fro-yo. I had a scoop of plain vanilla fro-yo and two scoops of the thin mint fro-yo.
I don’t even need to tell you how good it was…
A few days ago, Gabriela at Une Vie Saine gave me the Stiletto Award!! Thank You Gabriela!! This girl is amazing and I love her to death! She is super sweet and has been one of my best “bloggie friends.” For real, I feel SO blessed to have “met” her!!!
Now, I am supposed to:
1. Display the Stiletto badge of honor.
2. Brag about it – post a link to the page to highlight what the award is about.
3. Say thanks! Include a link to the friend who nominated you.
4. Share the love-nominate 5-10 more blogs. Leave links to their blogs and leave them a comment so they know they won!
5. Do what you do! Keep at it and keep inspiring others.
I could nominate a million and one bloggers (because you guys are all awesome!) but I will try to limit myself…
- Gracie at Girl Meets Health – She is SUCH an powerful model of someone with a super healthy body image and relationship with her body! And, she’s absolutely gorgeous!
- Kelly at My Verbal Vomit – She is currently dealing with an injury and going through PT but still keeps up a positive attitude!! She is a big inspiration to me!
- Amy at Second City Randomness – If you want a laugh, go check out her blog!! And I mean that in the best possible way, her blog posts always put a smile on my face and make me laugh no matter what kind of mood I may be in! She’s has the best sense of humor! And she is SUPER sweet and has dealt with past injuries and has given me great advice, motivation, and support!
- Andrea at Can You Stay for Dinner? – She has the most creative amazing recipes!!! And I secretly want her to come be my personal chef…
- Brandi at Bran Appetite – She’s just an awesome blogger all around!!! I’m always super jealous of her meals!
- Lauren at Biochemista – I love this girl! She’s always there to provide encouragement and support.
Whew, I apologize for the doozie of a post!! I hope you all have a fabulous Wednesday!!!!
"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn’t permanent."
– Jean Kerr