“Don’t dwell on "what if", but cherish "what is".”
I originally wasn’t going to blog tonight but I feel like something has been put on my heart to share. This summer has been life-changing. Things have happened that have brought me such joy and yet things have happened that have brought me great pain. I am heading down a path that I never would have expected, I never could have planned for. All of my life, I had a “plan.” I planned on a certain career path, a particular school, to fall in love with a certain type of person who matched the criteria on my “checklist,” to get married by a certain age, have children by a certain age,… you get the idea. And about this time last year, things begin to shift in my life. To put it simply, God took my plan and tore it up into a million pieces. Everything in my life that was stable and sure, is gone. No more plan. At least that plan. In the beginning, it was almost exciting for me, exhilarating, to know that I could whatever I want, no limits. And now? I’m struggling with this having no plan thing.
"If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary." – Jim Rohn
I know in general what I want to do with my life career-wise, but no particulars. It is incredibly uncertain and it’s beginning to scare me silly. I feel like I’ve been in school forever and everyone my age has graduated and moved on with their lives, to real careers. While I still have no certain idea what I want to do. I feel so behind when it comes to this. And also, most people my age that I went to school with are beginning to get engaged, married, and are having children. All of my life, like I said, I had a plan for when those things would happen. A plan that I no longer have. Those things are not happening in my foreseeable future, and it freaks me out. Risking sharing too much, I am with someone… I have not really shared it on the blog but it is what it is. And this person is so not what I planned on. He doesn’t fit into this neat little box. Yet he makes me happier than I could have ever thought possible but also challenges me and pushes my limits (in a good way). It’s so hard, I’ve never known anyone like him. And I never know what to expect from him. Laying my heart on the line for something I’ve never felt before, for someone I never planned on caring about, is probably the scariest thing that I have ever done in my entire life. And I don’t know where it’s going to go or what is going to happen, it’s incredibly uncertain. I can’t plot the course of our relationship on a graph and prepare myself for what is to come… because I don’t know. And honestly? That scares the hell out of me. He wasn’t a part of my plan. But I’m beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, he and my uncertain career path is a part of God’s plan. He took everything that was stable in my life away, everything that I thought I wanted, and I was left with just him and me, for so many months. And that showed me that no matter what happens in my life, he is always there, even if I push him away. And then finally, he gave me these things that I never knew I wanted but are so amazing that it brings me to tears just sharing this.
"If a window of opportunity appears, don’t pull down the shade." – Tom Peters
Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t just hand these things to me. He pushed me to take risks and do things that scared me to death. And my reward? Happiness beyond comprehension. Risks are scary, for sure. This past year and especially the past 7/8 weeks have been the scariest of my entire life. But the thing is, risks and the fear that comes from them can be oh so worth it. And sometimes? Sometimes they’re not, sometimes you fall. But you have to pick yourself up and move on. Move on to the next opportunity. Because there will be another opportunity.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned to have the life that is waiting for us…”
And now that I have a taste of what life is like when you stop settling for the mundane and go for the extraordinary, well, there’s no turning back. I refuse to settle for anything less than a job I love, love that makes my heart sing, and a life that brings pure happiness. I just refuse to settle. And this means that the road is not going to be easy. Going for the extraordinary requires patience, persistence, courage, and the ability to listen to your heart and DO what it says.
"Sometimes the easiest way is the hard way." – John Finn
thewhatkateateblog said:
I love this post. I know exactly how you feel about the ‘plan’ and I think youre so right about not settling. Its so important to be afraid but keep going for it. Have a great weekend!
peacebeme said:
Beautiful post. Like you, I feel like I am in limbo career-wise and compare myself to other people. But we have to remember that everyone follows a different path. Sometimes it is winding but we will get where we need to be. I have learned so much this last year too, mainly that this is MY life and that I want to reach for my dreams and finally just BELIEVE in myself.
So happy for you that you have seen this and that you are finding such a great meaning in all the hard times. God bless you!
midgetkeeper said:
That was me a few years ago. It really taught me that God’s plans aren’t my plans but man what he has given me is so much more then I ever imagined.
I promise everything will work itself out, just trust in him!
healthyexposures said:
You wrote this so perfectly, Jess – thank you, thank you, thank you! I am becoming terrified of all the “what if’s” of my future, too. I feel like I am the only one left who doesn’t know WHAT they want – and rather, just a vague general idea, though at the same time doesn’t want to settle for just anything. I’m not sure where this will bring me. But, like you – I refuse to settle for a generic “drug store” job for my whole life. I WILL wind up doing something I love and am passionate about, even if it takes me a couple more years than most 😉
Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with us. I am so happy for you! And glad you are refusing to settle for anything less than the best, too 🙂 Love ya girl, thanks for the inspiration, as always!
Amanda @ . seek . said:
Thank you so much for sharing, Jess. I feel like I could have written everything you said here. Every. single. thing. When I finished high school, I had everything planned out. Finish my degree in 4 years, find someone, fall in love, get married, start a career/family… it was all neat and tidy. And years later, none of it happened… at least not to me. All of the people I graduated with seem to have been successful in those area, while I was still trying to figure everything out. I could have settled, but I knew I wouldn’t have been happy…
God definitely threw some curve balls my way, and while it was difficult to figure out why at the time, I think I’m finally starting to get it, and like you said, the result is happiness beyond what I thought possible. I’m so glad you’re feeling so good about the choices you’ve made, girl ❤ It's so great to see you so happy and I hope that everything works out the way you want it to 🙂
kbwood said:
umm WOW this is incredible and so beautiful. isnt is SO crazy?? Gods plan are always so different than ours! He really does LAUGH at us when we plan things!! A life with God is def an adventure, nothing constant. but His plan is so beautiful, isnt it? SO worth it!! HIS plan advances HIS kingdom and fulfills us! Freaking awesome girl
Heather said:
if there’s something that i’ve found out about life, it’s that a plan never really works…you have to have some wiggle room! there’s nothing wrong with plans, but the thing is you have to be willing to let go if need be. although it’s obvious you’ve already gotten there 🙂
britchickruns said:
Oh honey that is such a beautiful post!! I feel the EXACT same fear as you – I have zero idea what I want to do with life (other than do something to do with food, that isn’t a chef), yet my degree is in the wrong field, I have no experience and I graduate in a year..plus, NO-ONE can get jobs round here!
But I totally adore your attitude!! About the settling for nothing short of fab, and accepting the original plan didn’t work. So awesome! And I’m super glad you’ve found someone too 🙂 I hope I do one day! Love you xxxx
Katie @ Health for the Whole Self said:
What a wonderful post! I can’t remember where, but I once heard this quote: “We plan, and God laughs.” Things will always work out so long as we’re submitting to His will instead of our own! 🙂
Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin said:
I love this post! I think so many people have this idea of a perfect plan, but things rarely work out that way. I’m behind my friends in school too, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter! Just take things at your own pace and as long as you’re happy and heading in the direction you want, then that’s all that is important.
Also I’m so happy for you in regards to that guy you’re seeing! He sounds like he makes you soo happy! 😀 Good for you for refusing to settle. You deserve the best girl!
Faith said:
This is so true. Reminds me of my favorite quote from a W.H. Auden poem – “The sense of danger must not disappear…look if you like, but you will have to leap”.
Jolene (www.everydayfoodie.ca) said:
You have had some really beautiful and though provoking posts lately.
Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine said:
I can relate to this post so much, girl. I feel like I had this plan in my head in high school that has slowly unraveled the older I’ve gotten, and though I’m not sure that I like the unraveling, it’s what is. I can’t force someone to conform to my plan for marriage and kids, and I sure as hell can’t map out where I’m going to be in five or ten years. It’s impossible. God has a plan for us, and I feel like He has a habit of challenging the planners more than the non-planners. It’s so hard to let it all go, but really, what else can we do? Things happen, plans change, and life go on. Remember that you are a beautiful, wonderful person through it all- your life will be filled with love and joy both in relationships and in your career. Sometimes we just have to let what we want go, in order to open our hearts to what God wants. Hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend girl, love you!!
Steph (@ mediterraneanmiss) said:
This helped me, I hope it helps you the same way ❤
Psalm 16:11 "Thou wilt show me the path of life: In thy presence is fulness of joy; In thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore."
This is a beautiful, beautiful post. I can remember feeling exactly the same way just a year ago, and I'm sure that everybody who reads it is either going through it themselves, or remembering their times of change. Thank you for being brave enough to share ❤
I gave up my plan and gave God the reins when I realized I was trying to hard to achieve what I ~thought~ I should achieve, and not what I was truly passionate about. He took care of me, and he will take care of you.
Keep being your wonderful, kind, God-loving self. He'll take care of you – He's got big things in store for you, I'm sure!!
Love you lady,
SEE YOU SOON!
Jennifer said:
I can honestly say that my life related to yours about 7 years ago. (yea I’m old) When I was 18 I met someone who I never dreamed of meeting. I had just graduated high and owned a dance school. Years later I was still teaching and thought that my future involved growing my school. But that wasn’t what God had in mind. That guy that I met is the love of my life is now my husband going on 2 years. I left my dance business behind and moved 300 miles away from all family for my husband and I to pursue a life that I never saw coming. But the other day while I was reading old letters that I wrote him, it all made sense. I kept telling him that no matter what God wanted, I would do it and that I knew that God had a special plan for us. And that’s exactly what happened. I have been in more challenges than I ever thought I would be, but that is what makes my whole journey worth it! It was the unexpected and it makes my life exciting. Therefore, take the leap of faith and keep praying that God will keep you on that right path. The outcome just may be way more grand then you could have ever imagined.
Courtney (Pancakes & Postcards) said:
Awesome post. I am in some ways in the same position as you, feeling the same emotions, having the same questions. It is really refreshing to read this and feel encouraged, to remember that God DOES have a beautiful plan that is way better than mine even though it does not always feel like it sometime! Its funny, the quote about giving up the life we have planned, has been on my facebook for YEARS and it took reading this to remember the meaning behind that and what it means to me, and how I need to have confidence in the future and in God. I know He is doing great things in your life!
Megan said:
Great quotes! And I have always tried to keep in mind the fact that “God laughs when you make plans.” It seems to be so true! Good luck with everything love 🙂
BostonRunner said:
I love this post, beautifully written. I’m in the stage right now, where I think I have a plan, much like the plan you had had once. But I always think back to that quote about God laughing when you make plans, and I know things are going to change.. I can just feel it. ..And you know I’m not so sure if it’s a bag thing.
Stacey@http://stacey-healthylife.blogspot.com/ said:
That a good idea about freezing the bars.
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Annelies said:
I think it sounds like you’re in a pretty exciting place of your life. I tend to be a planner myself so I can relate to a lot of what you wrote in your post especially the uncertainty that can feel larger than life. Several friends are contemplating moving and switching jobs or staying in the familiar, in the known. As one of them told me, she has been holding onto a line from a poem “trust the process”. And sometimes that process involves shaking us out of our reverie and comfort. So hang in there and enjoy the ride. 🙂